


B/L/U/E: Better Living Until Evacuation

by Caracalliope



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homestuck Fusion, Backstory, Climate Change, Crossover, Gen, Interview, Post-Apocalypse, Public Service Announcements - Freeform, Trollstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-12 14:50:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19947964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caracalliope/pseuds/Caracalliope
Summary: move your body when the sunlight dies





	B/L/U/E: Better Living Until Evacuation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Etnoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etnoe/gifts).



> ♥♥
> 
> Optional last line is extremely optional and I don't know how to feel about it. Accordingly, it is hidden from view.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Any pupa sopor-addled enough to believe the smog sirens is crisp-roasted about now, so this show goes out to the rest of you. If you trusted the sirens and still survived, stop crying and start bandaging, and let’s go over Doc Death’s Three Rules for Surviving in the Zones.

FUN GHOUL: Yay!

DR. DEATH DEFYING: First rule, the sun’s out to kill you, the empress is out to kill you, the weather reports are definitely out to kill you. Second rule, the smog’s not your friend. It can hide you from the sun-rays _if_ \- and that’s a big if, my mirthless jitterbugs - you can stay on ground level, and I mean kissing the dirt with your entire face. Then get your hurry on to find shelter empty of anything as wants to murder you. The coughing’s going to make it hard. So practice your crawling in the safety of your hive, assuming you’ve still got one, and don’t forget the third rule. Never, ever leave behind your podcast transmission pod.

FUN GHOUL: It’ll save your life.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Schoolstreaming’s over and it’s time to move on to our special guest, who keeps interrupting my sermon because motherfuckers got no manners out there in the Zones.

FUN GHOUL: Nope, none.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Give it up for Fun Ghoul!

FUN GHOUL: Hey, Doc.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Let’s start with the question all the kids out there are asking right now. How did you become a - 

FUN GHOUL: A Killjoy?

DR. DEATH DEFYING: - a crash heir, a scuttlebabe, a noisemaster -

FUN GHOUL: A Killjoy! Yeah, that was all your fault, Doc. Got a pair of culling drones sent to my hive ready to smog me, and they said a neighbor overheard me listening to your show.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: For real?

FUN GHOUL: I swear on my lusus’s grave, which is exactly how I got away. The big old stupid desert cat gnawed off those Draculdrones’ faces to buy me time. I was just a stupid kid who didn’t know his bulge from his elbow - no offence to your show’s target demographic, Doc - but I took my radio pod with me and ran to the latest safespot you announced. I’m going to be honest, I thought it was a trap.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Kids always do. They show up grasping for shelter but expecting a trap or a church. I’m trying to tone down the clown, but it’s hard to prove to terrified tumbleweeds that everything on my wavelength is pure truth.

FUN GHOUL: Can’t deny the purple when it’s in your voice, Doc. But to anyone listening out there, all three of my best friends worship different gods and none of those gods go honk. I just worship these claws, and Doc’s still letting me on his show.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Fine heretical claws they are, my desertpupas, but too big for the studio. Put them away, don't scratch my furniture. Now tell us about your scuttlebrothers. Did you meet at the safespot? 

FUN GHOUL: Yeah. We didn’t talk much at first. It was all adults there, except the four of us, and I was scared shitless. Never saw an adult before that didn’t want to kill me.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Did they get their pity on for you?

FUN GHOUL: The adults? Nah, I just kept bugging them, and they didn’t kill me for it, so - well, I guess, yeah. Not in a real pale way though. Anyway, I _did_ listen to your show, so I knew about the Glubocalypse, but I didn’t know shit about anything else. I mostly used to tune in for the music, I kind of ignored the talking parts.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: (honk)

FUN GHOUL: Meeting real adults was like a bullet to the brainsmog I grew up with. 

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Like my pupas out there, you had your thinkpan filled up with fuchsia fucking garbage.

FUN GHOUL: Yeah. I thought, if I made it to and through the Ordeals, I’d be Evacuated and have it all figured out for me. I liked knowing there was an important job waiting for me to do in space. To be frank, I think that’s all the Condesce needs to promise. She’s wasting her money on the pornos and propaganda streams. Kids just want to be good, Doc, and they want someplace to fit. B/L/U/E tells them they need to practice better living until the sky opens up to save them. Except then you grow up all at once and you’ve got to ask - better than what?

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Better than freedom and all that noise, and better than cold chrome truths. Better citizens in a land of dust and pupa shells, drained of our voices and readied for the big war in the sky. That’s what’s being sold and kids got nothing else to buy.

FUN GHOUL: Yeah, so. I was a nosy brat with the adults because I missed my dad. But Party Poison was worse. He was a snotty little indigo - I can say that on air, right?

DR. DEATH DEFYING: We preach no hate but no lies. My colder-ass listeners can deal.

FUN GHOUL: I mean, he got better. One of the adults left a big impression on him, and that’s why he’s got that hair that makes Draculdrones try to shoot us on sight.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: He ever think about cutting it?

FUN GHOUL: Guess you should ask him, but - nah.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Was he snotty at you too?

FUN GHOUL: He tried not to be, which was hilarious. He and Kobra Kid were moirails already - so you know, you can’t live on a pedestal when your diamond’s all rust. He kept talking though. Good thoughts mixed with a lot of horseshit. For some fucking reason, we ended up having a fistfight? And then Kobra Kid auspistized, which basically just means he stood there looking like we took a dump on his floor covering fabrics, and I guess that was all the conciliation we needed. Jet Star was mostly away doing jade things with this other adult, but he showed up to laugh at us then, and yeah. It was good. Distracting. 

DR. DEATH DEFYING: So you and the other pupas learned what was what from the Evac-dodgers. And then?

FUN GHOUL: Then nothing - a smog-bomb, and the adults made us take the scuttleflyer. It was small. I don’t know, I think one more person could have fit. But they told us to fly, and we’ve been flying ever since. 

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Speaking for all the kids out there - here’s hoping gravity never catches up with you.

FUN GHOUL: Heh. Same to you, Doc.

DR. DEATH DEFYING: Now it’s time for you and me to kick back and discuss Zone news that’s not ready for the wavelengths yet. But for my enginewigglers out there, I’ve got new melodies lined up, ready to lift your soul and help you breathe. And I’ll be right here when you come back down and out of breath. Because, say it with me - 

FUN GHOUL and DR. DEATH DEFYING: Because Doc Death is an excellent host.


End file.
